By Paige DeNardi
The talk of doughnut burgers and fried Kool-Aid has you thinking, this fair has to be one of the biggest events of the year! Once you get there however you discover only the stench of armpits, overpriced tickets, the same rides you see at the Salem Fair (short fused carnies included), and the fact that 90% of the people around you are either wearing tube tops and cowboy boots or rocking a “Billy Ray-esque” mullet down their back. You find yourself disappointed, and trapped in Hillbilly heaven.
The fact that as soon as you walk into the fair from the parking lot you can hear banjos blaring should be a warning sign, but you keep walking in anyway. You go to buy a Cherry Sno-Cone and the lady says “huh?” when you walk up to the window. She has a book shoved into the coke machine. She shoves the cup at you, almost knocking it onto your face and says nothing. After that outstanding Customer service it only makes sense that she would demand $6 for a block of frozen ice and syrup.
The rides aren’t terrible. There’s the spider, all fun and games until snot gets on the person next to you. The Starship 5 something, Hurtling death trap through space, yet it makes for an amazing ride. There’s bumper car, which everyone refuses to ride for fear of whiplash by stranger. The scrambler, some weird spinny thingy and a ride that gives you bruises the size of Montana on your back and head were also big hits with everyone.
The fact that Closing day is the day you went may have left you a tad biased due to the fact that they were taking everything down, and the crowd left over wasn’t exactly the greatest, but you feel like you could have had a much better time. Going to the mall could have been just as fun. Now the Maroon 5 and Train concert on the other hand, that leaves you with a grin on your face bigger than any grin thought to be humanly possible.